13/50 Regrets, I’ve Had A Few

It’s often suggested in class to ‘let things go’ which, I find, as easy as being told to ‘calm down’. To be clear: not easy.

I don’t actually dwell on things so much as sometimes have a little wonder, a little, what if?

Yoga is all about being present and NOT thinking at 4am as you pace around the house with a screaming baby that perhaps you should’ve taken up the offer of that nice old man in Greece to get on his private yacht and go visit his private island after all.

I jest.

But I’m a tad mistrustful of anyone who says they don’t have ANY regrets. Just fleeting thoughts of other choices, good and not so good, are definite poppers-into-my-head.

(Not the Greek island situation though. Dodgy as hell.)

1. The jobs

I was offered, what could have been a fabulous opportunity, with Macmillan Publishing in London back in the early ‘90’s. I took a job at Channel 4 Television instead but sometimes imagine myself book editor-ish with big, square glasses and having intellectual dinner parties with dead writers. I imagine myself quieter.

I didn’t say they were entirely logical thoughts.

Then there were a couple of television and journalism positions that I let slide by due to lack of confidence (age too, but mostly confidence). I relate so hard here to the Bridget Jones character it’s disturbing.

2. The bands

Around the same time I worked at Channel 4, my flatmate and good friend worked at what was then Polygram Music. We had a blast going to parties and meeting people that went on to have amazing careers or were already in their heyday.

Every concert came with a backstage pass, we were in new TV show productions and audiences and I once had the Oscar-worthy role in a German video about cleaners. (I think. I understood nothing except I got a free trip to France.)

Two things: In New York I stayed with a girl who as part of her job was looking after the brand-new band Alice in Chains for the evening and following day. In a sleazy, biker bar where I had the foresight to have my sharpened eyeliner in my pocket (ready for anything, me) their manager asked if I’d like to stay on and help write up schedules and keep the guys ‘safe’. The whole night/day was interesting (SO INTERESTING) but the job offer was legit. It meant I could’ve stayed in New York longer (legally). Small sigh here.

Around this time just before I left London a guy I worked with asked if I wanted to stay with his friend Michael and his band that were doing “pretty well now” in LA. Michael was Flea of RHCP. I said, no thanks I’m staying at something equivalent to a Novotel. Slightly bigger sigh.

3. The words

I’ve lost a lot of people in my life and when I think of them, I wonder if they knew how much they meant to me. I used to be fearful of being vulnerable, of saying, I love you. It saddens me to miss them, it saddens me to think they’ll never know how much.

So now I say all the words, all the time.

I’d love to know what you sometimes think back on and wonder about…
Tell me!
(Not that we’re not all about where we are now! Zenful and all that!)

Photo by All Bong

© The Yoga Connection 2017

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