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14/50 Drive With Me

1. Bragging rights. Of a sort

I’ve never had shingles, head lice or an STD.

2. Little white lies I tell. Sometimes

It’s fine if your children play in my wardrobe.

Thank you, I love soup.

Yes, happy to lend you my roll-on deodorant, stranger.

3. Stages of being on the road. Unfortunately

We begin –
Right, heaps of time. No need to get stressy.

Two minutes later –
OH, FOR F****S SAKE!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
YOU ARE A M**********R!
%@#*+’=*(*^!@$#
GO, GO, GO, GOOOOOOOO!
TURN, TURN! YOUR INDICATOR IS ON, DICK BRAIN, TURN!

Things get snarky –
Great, let’s do 40kms on the motorway in the right-hand lane. That makes perfect sense. In fact, slow down some more as you hesitantly creep past a truck and then, even more, as we go round a slight corner. Because, corners. Who knew?

Ah, changing lanes now. I thought so because you’ve turned right round in your seat to look at me (hi!) and you’re swerving quite severely the opposite way.

Changed your mind? I understand, what with almost no room due the five car lengths of lane to move into. It’s tight.

And personal –
I actually, literally want to run over you.
Then shove your family stickers down your throat.

The end –
Well, that wasn’t too bad.
Grateful we don’t have a car with TYC plastered all over it.
Namaste.


What about you? Anything to add?
This is a safe place…

Photo by ML van Dam


© The Yoga Connection 2017

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