Don’t Panic


1. I can’t read my free astrology chart

After an amazing first-time session with a fab nutritionist recently I not only came away with some supplements knowledge (not a hard sell at all BTW!) I finally had some therapy. True, she didn’t realise she was giving it to me but I was snuggled up on that sofa and we were talking DEEP.

Obviously that involved chatting about our star signs and she gave me the names of some free sites worth checking out for a detailed chart. So off home I went, completely on board with how much more important this was than making some monetary gains on my website which IS MY JOB.

I entered everything correctly like the Virgo I be and lo (and behold) there rising from the ashes (sorry, not quite sure why I’ve gone all biblical here) a lot of lines. Squiggly lines and straight lines and red and blue lines; basically a lot of lines connected to other sorts of lines and signs which then corresponded to long explanations underneath where I couldn’t work out if I was an ascending moon or descending sun. I read both thoroughly thinking I’d just choose the better one but then they led on to something else again and Dear Planets in Venus, I was stumped.

I’m still stumped. I desperately need to know why I am who I am. Despite having got this far in life only knowing that today Virgos may or may not need to knuckle down to achieve either their relationship or career goals. Help me. I feel untethered.

2. The Cloud wants rid of me

I’ve been having phone and laptop troubles for a while now and like any sensible person I’ve ignored them, only to tantrum call my husband when things get inconvenient.

Well, everything is inconvenient at the moment. My phone doesn’t have enough storage or sync up to my laptop anymore and my laptop keeps shutting down mid-something-important.

In tech lingo, it’s all gone to hell in a handcart.

But yesterday, oh, head in hands yesterday, The Cloud sent me a personal message saying there was hardly any room left for me. For me! Out of all the people in the world who surely have done worse things than I, The Cloud is kicking me out.

Well, f**k you The Cloud. But also please take me back with little to no trouble and we’ll never speak of this again.

3. The old dreams are back

Now I’m drugged up I’m getting little hits of dream time which is good news. The bad news is that my subconscious has decided not to gift me with flying or Oscar speeches. Instead I’m back on my old dirty water and unavailable loo dreams.

Yes, dirty water and dirty, unavailable loo stalls. Every night for a week.

There I am stepping into the clear, blue, SUDDENLY surrounded with rubbish, ocean. Or here I go racing through corridors to find a bathroom that only houses overfilled toilets. I gag, I gasp, I wake up.

It is, quite literally, a thrill a minute.

Anything causing you to reach for the panic button at the moment?
Do you read astrology charts? Can you read mine?!
What have you dreamt of lately?
Do we really know who The Cloud is? Because, frankly, I’m suspicious.

Photo by Samuel Zeller

© The Yoga Connection 2017

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